I am struggling with 'how to be yourself' and 'care about yourself'

It sometimes hurt someone when you be yourself and care about yourself

Any decision made would influence of someone thought who closes to you, who care about you

I decided to come back to Malaysia two weeks ago

And I am here in Malaysia for one week

This decision made affect my mother, my sister, my family, and myself

This is the very first time I am alone myself

This kind of alone does not mean you are staying or eating or doing something yourself

Is leaving someone that your soulmate, who is the only one you can talk to, you can play with and you rely on

And you know this only one feeling the same as you

We both experiencing the same feeling

We really miss each other

Because we are TWINS

There are many people asking us how is twins feel like

They ask do you feel hurt when your twins sister get hurt?

Do I sometimes read each other's mind?

The answer is NO

I do not feel hurt when she gets hurt

I do not know what she thinks

But I will worry and pain when she gets hurt

But I can guest her thought and know what she thinking and gotta do

Because we are living together for 22 years

Because we know each other in my mother's uterus

Because I understand her

I felt guilty and sorry for leaving her

I should accompany her as much as I can and I wish I could do so

But sometimes I will need to think for myself

I was wasting time if I stay with her in the United Kingdom and doing nothing, spending my time with drama and food

I was frustrated with the life

This is the reason I want to leave

Leaving her behind is the most self-reproach thing I have done in my life

We argue, and saying we hate each other all the time

But you would not know how much we love each other

She needs me and I need her too

Therefore I always wake in the early morning just to accompany her after she finished her work and before she sleeps

I know how vacuous if she spends her time alone in the night

We just end a call just now at 21:37 Malaysia time

We were talking about she wants to stop studying and come back

This is a tough decision to make, to think

She felt pressure to meet people and felt profuse in studying something that you know you not going to use in your job

It takes a lot of thinking and courage to make

I should be with her